I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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