Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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