yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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