I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
