well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He felt like a one man threesome
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
