what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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