On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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