Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
