my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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