What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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