I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
