The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
