my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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