woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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