If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
