Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there was a trapeze. enough said
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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