you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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