I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
