So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
