Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
