I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there's paper in my vomit.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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