dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
