Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
