Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
