I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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