I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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