my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh god it's open bar.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
