Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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