We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize