You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
