its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
