I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need a burrito and a hug.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
