And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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