i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
