on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
