with your own penis?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
