I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
