But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
