did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
