Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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