Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
