Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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