So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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