I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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