Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
