we have officially lost it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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