I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
