i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
