btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
