I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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