And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
