If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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