I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
