They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
