i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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