What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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