My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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