well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
