I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
