Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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