this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
