wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
