Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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