i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
