i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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