i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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