I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
