evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
