omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
