every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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