Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're like the curious george of whores
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
