So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
