Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
