im having a threesome with these popsicles
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
